There was a time when public debate meant arguing over what should be done. Today, we often find ourselves arguing over what actually happened. We watch an event unfold — sometimes in real time, sometimes from multiple camera angles — and then we are told it did not happen as we saw it. Or that it meant something entirely different. Or that the people involved were not who they appeared to be.
Increasingly, the most draining experience is not disagreement. It is the erosion of shared reality. Many of us recognize the feeling. First comes shock. Then anger. Then the urge to correct the record. Then the endless argument. And eventually, exhaustion. We stop responding not because we no longer care, but because defending truth begins to consume more energy than we possess.
This is the quiet danger of a culture of altered truth. Lies do not need to convince everyone. They only need to exhaust enough people.
When What We See Is Denied
Recently, the deaths of two individuals in Minneapolis were witnessed by many through recorded footage. Yet competing descriptions quickly emerged: the victims were labeled dangerous, threats were claimed, and the events were framed in ways that contradicted what viewers believed they saw. The purpose of raising such examples is not political. It is human.
When millions of people observe an event and are then told their perception is unreliable, society enters a new territory — one where we are no longer debating policy or values but reality itself. And when reality becomes negotiable, trust dissolves. We see this pattern around the globe:
- Civilian deaths reframed as necessary or nonexistent
- Elections declared fraudulent before counted
- Science dismissed as opinion
- Lived experience discounted as manipulation
The modern lie is not always a hidden fact. Often, it is a flood of competing narratives that leaves people unsure what is true. And uncertainty is fertile ground for fear.
Why Arguing Often Fails
Our instinct is to respond with facts, evidence, and correction. Sometimes that is necessary. But we are learning that many disputes today are not about information — they are about belonging. People hold narratives not simply because they are persuaded, but because the narrative protects identity, community, or safety. When challenged harshly, they do not reconsider; they defend. So, arguments multiply while understanding disappears.
Eventually, good people withdraw. Not because they accept falsehood — but because constant conflict makes engagement unbearable. The danger is not that lies win debates. The danger is that truth loses participants.
How Do We Discern?
If debate alone cannot restore shared reality, what can? Discernment begins with humility:
- What did I truly observe?
- What is interpretation?
- What experience shaped the other person’s view?
Truth rarely emerges through humiliation. It emerges where people feel safe enough to reconsider. A society capable of truth is not one where everyone agrees. It is one where people remain willing to stay in a relationship while seeking understanding.
Why Talk-Listen-Connect Matters
This is why the Charter’s Talk-Listen-Connect (TLC) Trainings are not simply communication skills. They are civic and human survival skills. Lies operate at the level of ideology. Truth grows at the level of lived experience. When people tell real stories — not slogans — something shifts. Certainty softens. Curiosity appears. Empathy becomes possible. We begin moving:
from ignoring to tolerating; from acknowledging to appreciating
Only then can we collaborate. Without spaces where people can genuinely encounter one another, society fractures into parallel realities. With such spaces, shared understanding slowly returns.
Witnessing Truth in Action
The same principle lives within our upcoming virtual Thrive Conference, March 4-5. We will hear directly from people around the world who are doing the daily work of building community in difficult circumstances. Not abstractly. Not theoretically. But on the ground — in neighborhoods, schools, interfaith initiatives, and civic efforts.
When we encounter real human beings instead of narratives about them, propaganda weakens. Shared reality begins with a shared encounter.
Moving From a Culture of Lies to a Culture of Truth
We will not argue our way out of this moment. We must live our way out. Truth grows where people:
- Listen before they label
- Ask before they accuse
- Remain before they retreat
The opposite of lying is not merely fact-checking. The opposite of lying is relationship.
- When we know one another, truth matters because the other person matters.
- When we do not know one another, stories replace people.
Through Talk-Listen-Connect (TLC) and through gatherings like Thrive, we practice something deceptively simple: we meet human beings behind the headlines.
If we fail to do this, our future will be shaped by competing narratives. If we succeed, it will be shaped by shared reality. And shared reality is the beginning of peace.
With warmest regards,
Marilyn Turkovich
Click/Tap here to learn more about TLC Trainings
Click/Tap here to learn more about Thrive Conference on March 4-5
